DragonFUZE #22
Here is the script that I recently submitted to an Ape Entertainment anthology project; the book's theme was revenge. I found out the other day that my story didn't make the cut; the publisher went for more traditional superhero-type stories.
I am really proud of I Hate You, this story is so far from the usual fare that I write. I feel as though I really pushed myself as a creator on this one; that's the real positive here. This story will probably never be published anywhere else but on this blog. I am placing it here for all to see as I feel it is one of the strongest pieces I have ever written.
Thanks to Brant and Cary for their edits on this script.
I HATE YOU
Page 1
1. The first panel shows a typical hallway of any American high school. The shot is straight down the middle of the hall, with lockers on each side and teenage kids walking up and down the hall; some kids should be together, others alone. They are all dressed in casual clothes, no school uniforms.
Caption: I Hate You …
2. We see a close up of pretty girls gathering around one girl’s locker. One of the girls is talking.
Girl: So, like, he put his hand…
Caption: I hate you Lisa White. With your perfect hair and your perfect nose and your perfect clothes and your perfect perfectness!
3. We see some boys walking down the corridor and they are laughing.
Boys: Ha! Ha!
Boy: Dude, she let me do it …
4. We see the boys vanishing into the distance of the corridor. There are some open doors with kids heading into classrooms. We see a girl from behind, she is stooping slightly. The girl is wearing a loose sweater, jeans and sneakers. She has long curly hair pulled together in a ponytail.
Caption: They all want one thing, the same thing.
Caption: I hate them.
Credits appear on this page.
Story/ Script: Jason
Page 2
1. We see a girl sitting on her bed, she is slightly turned from the camera, so we don’t clearly see her face, but it is the same girl from the last panel on Page 1. The girl has curly hair. She is dressed in a sweater and jeans. Her shoes are off. She has a laptop computer on her lap and is writing in her blog/ online journal. The captions could look like plain text.
Caption: I wonder if, like, the FBI is gonna read this?
2. We see the girl’s fingers on the keyboard.
Caption: …so that’s my plan. I know where to get it, and I know how to use it. Like, I’m not dumb!
Caption: If you’re reading and wondering … yes, I am crazy enough to do it.
3. We see the girl’s fingers on the keyboard.
Caption: Bang! You’re dead.
4. We see the girl’s fingers on the keyboard.
Caption: I’m sorry Mom, but I am going to pull the trigger.
Page 3
1. We see a girl’s hand holding a pistol (see http://www.gundirectory.com/more.asp?gid=20271&gun=Pistol).
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: Cobra HP22. I bought it online - $150. That’s all I could afford.
Caption: It’ll do the job.
2. We see a shot of the inside of Kane Street Synagogue (see http://www.kanestreet.org/index.html). Do not name the synagogue in the story.
Caption: I hate when Mom drags me to synagogue.
3. We see a group of middle age women all chatting. Deborah is in the middle of the group, a woman is waving excitedly and her hand obscures Deborah’s face. Deborah is wearing a dress.
Caption: They are Brooklyn’s ‘whinest’ … I made up that word, but they really do whine. ‘
Caption: Kane Street kvetchers … I hate you.
4. We see the girl’s hand with the gun.
Caption: Imagine if I did it in the synagogue! Not a very good Jewish girl.
Page 4
1. A good-looking teen girl (she’s about 16) walks towards the camera. She is dressed casually and has long straight hair. She is smiling and waving.
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: I hate you, Natalie. Your smile kills me.
Natalie: Hey Deb!
2. Natalie is running away from the camera. She is holding Deborah’s hand although Deborah is off panel. Natalie looks excited.
Natalie: Come on! They’re at the back of the baseball field. You have to see them … it’s totally gross!
3. Natalie and Deborah are running away from the camera, so we only see them from behind.
Caption: I hate how she lives life vicariously.
4. Natalie is running towards the camera, her face fills the panel. She is smiling.
Caption: She’s my best friend.
Caption: Can I pull the trigger?
Page 5
1. Mom and Dad are sitting at the dinner table, they are in their 40s; Dad is balding and wears a messy looking shirt and tie. Mom is wearing an apron over her dress. Steaming plates of food are on the table.
These captions are not in plain text.
Mom: Dinner!
Caption: I hate her cooking.
2. The dinner is over. Dad kisses Mom on the cheek, they are still seated at the table. We see Deborah from behind.
Caption: I hate public displays of affection.
Caption: Especially involving Mom and Dad. Gross!
Caption: It’s safer to eat in my room.
3. Mom and Dad kissing. Deborah is off panel.
Caption: No one wants to kiss me.
4. Mom is standing behind an ironing board and is holding up a neatly ironed business shirt. She is smiling.
Caption: Mom, look at what you have become.
Caption: I hate you.
5. Mom and Dad are framed in a box, as if they are being lined up in a gun’s target.
Caption: Dad, you’ll never understand me.
Caption: I hate you...
Page 6
1. A school party is being held at a house (see http://www.hep.man.ac.uk/u/kim/paloalto/bluehouse.jpg for reference). A group of teenagers is outside.
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: I hate parties.
2. Deborah is walking towards the house, she looks slouched. She is wearing loose jeans and a sweater.
Caption: I don’t have a fake ID. I have no beer.
3. Natalie is standing at the top of the steps, waving at Deborah. We see Deborah from behind.
Caption: I’ve never been to Tina’s before. She’s too popular to be seen with me
Caption: I can’t believe Nat wants to be here. Why does she look so happy?
4. Deborah and Natalie are hugging in front of an open door.
Natalie: Hi!!
Caption: She isn’t drunk … yet.
Caption: I’m sure some guys will try to fix that.
5. A group of guys drinking cans of beer. We see them as though framed by a gun’s target.
Caption: I hate you.
Caption: Imagine if I pulled my Cobra right here!
Caption: That’d be messed up.
Page 7
1. We see Deborah from behind. She is holding Natalie’s hair away from her face. Natalie is hunched over, facing away from the camera. She is vomiting,
SFX: HHHUUURRRGGGHHH!!
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: I hated them urging her on.
2. Close up, and side on, we see Natalie’s lips, bile is dripping from them.
Caption: The boys wanted her drunk.
3. In this panel, show Deborah’s hand clasping the gun.
Caption: If I had it with me, I’d make sure I never had to see their snickering faces again!
4. Close up on Natalie’s eyes, she is crying.
Caption: I haven’t got a choice now. I can’t take this anymore.
Page 8
1. We see Deborah sitting on her bed, she is slightly turned from the camera, so we don’t clearly see her. She has a laptop computer on her lap and is writing in her blog/ journal. The captions should look like plain text.
Caption: The party was the last straw. I know I have to do this.
2. Deborah is typing with one hand. The other hand clasps the pistol.
Caption: This blog is a record of all that I have seen; a catalogue of corruption, decay and insanity.
3. This box contains only text.
Caption: A monument to one lone girl’s stand against cancerous decadence.
4. This box contains only text.
Caption: A manifesto that lays my plans clear for all to see.
5. This box contains only text.
Caption: When they scrub the blood off the walls, they will know…
Page 9
1. We see Deborah sitting on her bed, she is facing the camera. We see her clearly for the first time. Deborah has freckles, a button nose, dark eyes. She has a laptop computer on her lap and is writing in her blog/ journal. The captions look like plain text.
Caption: … why I hate you.
2. We see Deborah, face on for the first time. She is crying and tears roll down her face.
Deborah: What have I become?
3. Close up on Deborah. This poem appears in text boxes around her face. The text boxes could look like plain text.
Caption:
My heart is like an Abyss
Deep. Cold. Empty.
Deep within, my soul screams
it echoes with unconscious fury
No-one hears, no-one cares
I peer over the edge and see
only nothing
There is no light or passion
I am barren
I have been stripped of all that is me
Now I am blank, I am nothing
Fury and self destruction is my life
It will bring the end and then
the Abyss will take me
Page 10
1. We see Deborah looking into a mirror. Her reflection is clear. She is crying, tears run down her cheeks.
These captions are not in plain text.
Deborah: No more blogs. No more lies.
2. We see Deborah looking into the mirror. She is holding the Cobra HP22.
Deborah: I am blank.
3. We see Deborah looking into the mirror. She is holding the Cobra HP22 to her temple.
Deborah: Grow up. The tears stop now.
Deborah: No more pity, no more envy.
4. We see Deborah looking into the mirror. She is holding the Cobra HP22 to her temple.
Deborah: Deborah; you did this!
5. The panel is black. The SFX and caption appears in white.
SFX: Blam!
Caption: I hate you.
I am really proud of I Hate You, this story is so far from the usual fare that I write. I feel as though I really pushed myself as a creator on this one; that's the real positive here. This story will probably never be published anywhere else but on this blog. I am placing it here for all to see as I feel it is one of the strongest pieces I have ever written.
Thanks to Brant and Cary for their edits on this script.
I HATE YOU
Page 1
1. The first panel shows a typical hallway of any American high school. The shot is straight down the middle of the hall, with lockers on each side and teenage kids walking up and down the hall; some kids should be together, others alone. They are all dressed in casual clothes, no school uniforms.
Caption: I Hate You …
2. We see a close up of pretty girls gathering around one girl’s locker. One of the girls is talking.
Girl: So, like, he put his hand…
Caption: I hate you Lisa White. With your perfect hair and your perfect nose and your perfect clothes and your perfect perfectness!
3. We see some boys walking down the corridor and they are laughing.
Boys: Ha! Ha!
Boy: Dude, she let me do it …
4. We see the boys vanishing into the distance of the corridor. There are some open doors with kids heading into classrooms. We see a girl from behind, she is stooping slightly. The girl is wearing a loose sweater, jeans and sneakers. She has long curly hair pulled together in a ponytail.
Caption: They all want one thing, the same thing.
Caption: I hate them.
Credits appear on this page.
Story/ Script: Jason
Page 2
1. We see a girl sitting on her bed, she is slightly turned from the camera, so we don’t clearly see her face, but it is the same girl from the last panel on Page 1. The girl has curly hair. She is dressed in a sweater and jeans. Her shoes are off. She has a laptop computer on her lap and is writing in her blog/ online journal. The captions could look like plain text.
Caption: I wonder if, like, the FBI is gonna read this?
2. We see the girl’s fingers on the keyboard.
Caption: …so that’s my plan. I know where to get it, and I know how to use it. Like, I’m not dumb!
Caption: If you’re reading and wondering … yes, I am crazy enough to do it.
3. We see the girl’s fingers on the keyboard.
Caption: Bang! You’re dead.
4. We see the girl’s fingers on the keyboard.
Caption: I’m sorry Mom, but I am going to pull the trigger.
Page 3
1. We see a girl’s hand holding a pistol (see http://www.gundirectory.com/more.asp?gid=20271&gun=Pistol).
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: Cobra HP22. I bought it online - $150. That’s all I could afford.
Caption: It’ll do the job.
2. We see a shot of the inside of Kane Street Synagogue (see http://www.kanestreet.org/index.html). Do not name the synagogue in the story.
Caption: I hate when Mom drags me to synagogue.
3. We see a group of middle age women all chatting. Deborah is in the middle of the group, a woman is waving excitedly and her hand obscures Deborah’s face. Deborah is wearing a dress.
Caption: They are Brooklyn’s ‘whinest’ … I made up that word, but they really do whine. ‘
Caption: Kane Street kvetchers … I hate you.
4. We see the girl’s hand with the gun.
Caption: Imagine if I did it in the synagogue! Not a very good Jewish girl.
Page 4
1. A good-looking teen girl (she’s about 16) walks towards the camera. She is dressed casually and has long straight hair. She is smiling and waving.
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: I hate you, Natalie. Your smile kills me.
Natalie: Hey Deb!
2. Natalie is running away from the camera. She is holding Deborah’s hand although Deborah is off panel. Natalie looks excited.
Natalie: Come on! They’re at the back of the baseball field. You have to see them … it’s totally gross!
3. Natalie and Deborah are running away from the camera, so we only see them from behind.
Caption: I hate how she lives life vicariously.
4. Natalie is running towards the camera, her face fills the panel. She is smiling.
Caption: She’s my best friend.
Caption: Can I pull the trigger?
Page 5
1. Mom and Dad are sitting at the dinner table, they are in their 40s; Dad is balding and wears a messy looking shirt and tie. Mom is wearing an apron over her dress. Steaming plates of food are on the table.
These captions are not in plain text.
Mom: Dinner!
Caption: I hate her cooking.
2. The dinner is over. Dad kisses Mom on the cheek, they are still seated at the table. We see Deborah from behind.
Caption: I hate public displays of affection.
Caption: Especially involving Mom and Dad. Gross!
Caption: It’s safer to eat in my room.
3. Mom and Dad kissing. Deborah is off panel.
Caption: No one wants to kiss me.
4. Mom is standing behind an ironing board and is holding up a neatly ironed business shirt. She is smiling.
Caption: Mom, look at what you have become.
Caption: I hate you.
5. Mom and Dad are framed in a box, as if they are being lined up in a gun’s target.
Caption: Dad, you’ll never understand me.
Caption: I hate you...
Page 6
1. A school party is being held at a house (see http://www.hep.man.ac.uk/u/kim/paloalto/bluehouse.jpg for reference). A group of teenagers is outside.
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: I hate parties.
2. Deborah is walking towards the house, she looks slouched. She is wearing loose jeans and a sweater.
Caption: I don’t have a fake ID. I have no beer.
3. Natalie is standing at the top of the steps, waving at Deborah. We see Deborah from behind.
Caption: I’ve never been to Tina’s before. She’s too popular to be seen with me
Caption: I can’t believe Nat wants to be here. Why does she look so happy?
4. Deborah and Natalie are hugging in front of an open door.
Natalie: Hi!!
Caption: She isn’t drunk … yet.
Caption: I’m sure some guys will try to fix that.
5. A group of guys drinking cans of beer. We see them as though framed by a gun’s target.
Caption: I hate you.
Caption: Imagine if I pulled my Cobra right here!
Caption: That’d be messed up.
Page 7
1. We see Deborah from behind. She is holding Natalie’s hair away from her face. Natalie is hunched over, facing away from the camera. She is vomiting,
SFX: HHHUUURRRGGGHHH!!
These captions are not in plain text.
Caption: I hated them urging her on.
2. Close up, and side on, we see Natalie’s lips, bile is dripping from them.
Caption: The boys wanted her drunk.
3. In this panel, show Deborah’s hand clasping the gun.
Caption: If I had it with me, I’d make sure I never had to see their snickering faces again!
4. Close up on Natalie’s eyes, she is crying.
Caption: I haven’t got a choice now. I can’t take this anymore.
Page 8
1. We see Deborah sitting on her bed, she is slightly turned from the camera, so we don’t clearly see her. She has a laptop computer on her lap and is writing in her blog/ journal. The captions should look like plain text.
Caption: The party was the last straw. I know I have to do this.
2. Deborah is typing with one hand. The other hand clasps the pistol.
Caption: This blog is a record of all that I have seen; a catalogue of corruption, decay and insanity.
3. This box contains only text.
Caption: A monument to one lone girl’s stand against cancerous decadence.
4. This box contains only text.
Caption: A manifesto that lays my plans clear for all to see.
5. This box contains only text.
Caption: When they scrub the blood off the walls, they will know…
Page 9
1. We see Deborah sitting on her bed, she is facing the camera. We see her clearly for the first time. Deborah has freckles, a button nose, dark eyes. She has a laptop computer on her lap and is writing in her blog/ journal. The captions look like plain text.
Caption: … why I hate you.
2. We see Deborah, face on for the first time. She is crying and tears roll down her face.
Deborah: What have I become?
3. Close up on Deborah. This poem appears in text boxes around her face. The text boxes could look like plain text.
Caption:
My heart is like an Abyss
Deep. Cold. Empty.
Deep within, my soul screams
it echoes with unconscious fury
No-one hears, no-one cares
I peer over the edge and see
only nothing
There is no light or passion
I am barren
I have been stripped of all that is me
Now I am blank, I am nothing
Fury and self destruction is my life
It will bring the end and then
the Abyss will take me
Page 10
1. We see Deborah looking into a mirror. Her reflection is clear. She is crying, tears run down her cheeks.
These captions are not in plain text.
Deborah: No more blogs. No more lies.
2. We see Deborah looking into the mirror. She is holding the Cobra HP22.
Deborah: I am blank.
3. We see Deborah looking into the mirror. She is holding the Cobra HP22 to her temple.
Deborah: Grow up. The tears stop now.
Deborah: No more pity, no more envy.
4. We see Deborah looking into the mirror. She is holding the Cobra HP22 to her temple.
Deborah: Deborah; you did this!
5. The panel is black. The SFX and caption appears in white.
SFX: Blam!
Caption: I hate you.
Labels: DragonFUZE, I Hate You
posted by dragonfuze at
10:20 PM
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